8 Questions You Need to Ask If You're Thinking About Getting Divorced

Questions are very important in most stages of our lives. You’re married to your spouse because you answered “Yes I Do” during the D-Day. You were granted the authority to call each other husband and wife. To love and cherish one another through thick and thin. But then, things haven’t worked out to your expectations between the two of you lately. There seem to be no hopes of ‘living happily ever after’ anymore. Divorce is all that you’re thinking about right now.

And you’re about to seek legal services and to sign that legal form. But wait, have you tried to ask yourself these questions first?

1. Have I Done Enough to Save My Marriage?

Yes, your marriage is about to fall. While you might think there’s nothing you can do about it, there are actually lots of actions you can take to try and put your marriage back together. Marriage is not a solo thing; you need to involve your partner in this. Talk it out together and find out where things might have gone wrong and why. Is your partner aware of your differences?

You should consider what each one of you wants and what you can do about them. You need to also find out if both of you are willing to put in efforts to make things work once again. This could mean visiting a marriage counselor, reading various helpful information on books and trusted Internet sources, and speaking to a clergy member.

2. Am I Prepared for Financial Stresses That May Result?

This a very important question to ask yourself before going for legal separation. Perhaps you can consult a relevant financial professional or a divorce law attorney to advise you on what divorce would cost you. One thing is for sure that a lot of things are going to change. And the concern of possible financial stress may be vital. You’ll only be relieved after being satisfied that the divorce will not cause serious and unmanageable financial problems both for you and your children. You can read more here to understand the important factors to consider prior to a divorce.

3. Am I Really Ready for Divorce?

Heated marriage arguments can easily result in one of the spouses threatening a divorce. In most cases, you’re more likely to threaten a divorce because of different reasons. Maybe you’re angry and frustrated or you want your spouse to take you seriously for wanting a real change. Sometimes you could be intending to gain control over your spouse with an aim of making them to see things your way or to send them a message that your marriage is about to fall. You should be keen to differentiate between threatening divorce and actually asking for one.

Remember, you can easily lose credibility with yourself and your partner during such arguments.

Therefore, only go for divorce when you’ve made peace with yourself and are certain that it is the last thing you can do.

4. Will I be Able to Handle All the Resulting Consequences However Unpleasant They Might Be?

Divorce brings to an end everything you ever dreamt of with your partner before and after your marriage – happy family, living happily ever after, and supporting one another overcome some hardship. After the divorce, loneliness, inadequacy, hurts, rejection, changes in lifestyle, failure, and disappointments can be inevitable. These can make your life worse especially when you don’t get the necessary support from family and close friends in times when you need physical or emotional assistance. The two of you might not be the only ones to be affected by the divorce. Talk about your kids, families, and friends. Are you ready to bear the consequences of choosing divorce in the face of these circumstances and people? Even if your partner is the one pushing for the divorce, you’ll still need to be ready for such consequences. If for one reason or another, you’re not ready to bear the consequences, then you’re not ready for the divorce and should focus on different ways possible to resolve your differences.

5. Why Do I Want a Divorce?

Of course, you’re asking for a divorce because you want to end your marriage. But what are the circumstances leading to your intention to divorce? Is it for the right reasons? If you’re planning to divorce for any reason other than ending your marriage, you’ll only be making things worse. A divorce cannot change your partner’s mind or how they’ll relate or treat you. It won’t make right any wrongs that existed before the divorce. Each person will be free to start a new life with whoever they’ll choose to, depending on their own reasons.

6. Is My Decision for Divorce Sincere or an Emotionally Reactive Decision?

Emotions are bound to get a better part of our thinking and sometimes we may be pushed to make some decisions out of our emotions. And the decision to divorce may not be different from such emotionally-driven decisions. Therefore, your decision to divorce should be an unemotional decision that you can live with for a significant amount of time. A decision you arrive at after letting go of all the intense feelings to your partner – feelings of love or hate. You don’t want to live a life of regrets later on when you’re back to your senses and have legally divorced. 

7. Do I Have an Adopted Standard of Conduct for Your Kids?

Your kids have nothing to do with the differences between you and your spouse. You, therefore, shouldn’t burden them with your emotions concerning the divorce. In no circumstance should allow them to get involved in the name of trying to help you cope with the situation. Let the kids enjoy the childhood life and the associated freedom they deserve. Divorce has been proven to affect children’s behavior in different ways.

8. Do I Still Love My Partner?

There are scenarios where the spouses asking for divorce ironically still have feelings for their partner despite their differences. If your answer to this question is a yes, you might want to consider working on your relationship first before making a decision to divorce. The reason for this is that you might end up being overwhelmed by these feelings of loss even years after the divorce. The experience may become worse after the separation than how you are now.

Therefore, ensure to clear any doubts before making a divorce decision keeping in mind that you’ll be liable for your decisions.  

Conclusion

The divorce among married couples in the US has become a cause for concern over the past few decades. This is a very challenging decision anyone can make. If your marriage hasn’t been working very well for you lately and you’re thinking of a divorce, there are several considerations that you should make before signing that legal separation document. These questions are enough to guide you through the process to clear all the possible doubts and to ensure you’re able to make an informed decision.